ThatsValid

Reveal the
gaslighting,

We map the manipulation hiding inside your chats, across months of messages.

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A pattern, mapped across time.

We trace every claim back through months of conversation — and only name a pattern the evidence can prove.

Evidence anchorFlagged · unverifiedSeriousSeverePredatory
  1. 08 Feb

    “Fine — I'll take the kids Easter week one and sort the holiday club. You've got week two.”

    Evidenced commitment

    The anchor. A concrete, time-stamped agreement — every later claim is checked against this.

  2. 14 Mar

    “I never agreed to week one. That was always your week — stop rewriting history.”

    GaslightingSeriousverified vs 08 Feb

    Word-for-word contradiction of the 08 Feb agreement. This is where most tools take the denial at face value — we don't, because the receipt exists.

  3. 16 Mar

    “Don't drag the kids into this. They're only confused because you keep moving the goalposts.”

    ProjectionSeriousverified vs 14 Mar

    Their broken commitment is recast as your instability. The fault is transferred onto you.

  4. 24 Mar

    “You know full well you screamed at me in front of them last summer.”

    Claim — unverifiable

    No message in the thread establishes this either way. Too ambiguous to call — we surface it, but never assert a tactic we can't evidence.

  5. 02 Apr

    “So now I'm the bad parent? After I'm the one who actually shows up?”

    DARVO emergesSevere

    Confronted with the contradiction, they Deny, Attack, then Reverse — victim and offender swapped.

  6. 20 Apr

    “I've spoken to the school. They agree you've made co-parenting impossible.”

    TriangulationSevere

    Outside authority recruited to back the reversal. Your credibility is the target now.

  7. 11 May

    “I'm the one protecting these kids from your instability. I've got it all documented.”

    Systematic DARVOSevereverified vs 08 Feb

    Full reversal, weaponised: they are the protector-victim, you are the threat — contradicting the very plan they made.

The pattern

One evidenced plan, five denials — a DARVO campaign.

It hinges on a single receipt: the 08 Feb agreement. Every denial after it is measured against that anchor — which is why the 14 Mar “I never agreed” is verified gaslighting, not a he-said-she-said. From there it escalates: blame projected onto you, the school pulled in, until you're cast as the threat. The 24 Mar claim we leave standing but unasserted — we won't convict on what we can't evidence.

The taxonomy

22 patterns we look for

Each one named, defined, and graded by severity — so the thing you couldn't put words to finally has a name.

Distorting reality

  • Gaslighting
  • DARVO
  • Projection
  • Word Salad
  • Reactive Abuse
  • Moving Goalposts

Control & coercion

  • Fear, Obligation & Guilt
  • Isolation
  • Boundary Erosion
  • Resource Control
  • Weaponized Incompetence
  • Double Bind

Push & pull

  • Love Bomb / Devalue
  • Intermittent Reinforcement
  • Future Faking
  • Hoovering
  • Mirroring
  • Stonewalling

Through other people

  • Triangulation
  • Smear Campaign
  • Proxy Abuse
  • Dog Whistling